SARAH'S WONDERFUL EULOGY

Mom’s memory!

Thanks to everyone for joining my brothers and sisters and me in celebrating the life of our mother, Barbara Mary Rice Probeck. She would be so happy to know that we are gathered here at Emmanuel- where on April 1, 1944, she and my father were married. This would have been their 69^th Wedding Anniversary.

I am pretty sure that my siblings find it only fitting that I deliver my mom’s eulogy, seeing as how they have always thought that I was the “favorite.” As the youngest child,- and as any youngest child knows full well, we are blessed with seeing and observing some mistakes our older siblings made and we can sit back later in life and reflect on some of those mistakes and really only thank them because they paved the way so that we – the youngest one- learned from them- learned from their mistakes and vowed at an early age that we would never do some of the dumb things they did- so because we were so much smarter in our decisions, we made less trouble for our parents and then it was only natural that our parents just liked us more. And dear sisters and brothers, this is my chance for payback for never snitching on you all those years!

For some reason, my mom and dad, whenever they would leave on many of their tropical trips, thought it fine to leave me in the care of my older siblings. To this day I never quite figured that one out. My mom always had these last words to say- suitcase in hand, as she was stepping out the door- she would turn back , look at my older siblings and say: “Now take good care of your little sister.” “Oh, don’t worry, mom- we will take good care of Sarah.” No sooner than their car was pulling out from our driveway, the party plans were in motion.

One important lesson:- when parents leave for a trip- do not deposit the remains of your weekend party – such as beer cans and bottles- in your very own backyard garbage can! Even though I was probably only nine or ten, I can remember it like it was yesterday: Upon coming home, my mom said to my dad in a very calm voice: “ED- I think those kids had a party while we were gone.” And of course my dad said:”Why do you think so Barb?” “Well, the garbage cans are full of beer cans, Ed!” I believe my father even scolded my siblings by saying:”How could you be so dumb as to not dump them somewhere else?” Good Question, Dad! But believe me, I took note. Because I was smart enough to realize that one day I too would be in high school.

Ok, now this lesson was equally important: If someone breaks off the leg of your dining room table when your parents are gone, do not attempt to glue the leg back on. Your parents will always figure that one out.

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank my older siblings for letting me promise to myself that after watching them grow up, that I would be a little more prudent in some of my decisions. Of course, there are many, many, more stories to be told, but I was given a time limit here- in all honesty and kidding aside, there was really never a favorite child- but as the youngest- I of course had the advantage of looking at life through a different lens.

My mother loved each of us equally and unconditionally and there were certain attributes in each of her children that she truly cherished and always talked about. Because I was the last one at home and spent a good deal of time alone with my mom- I remember vividly how she spoke of her children:

Bill- mom loved going to your track meets. As any proud mother, she would always engage with other parents there- probably something you never realized at the time - she always cheered you on at the finish line. On the rides home, she would go on and on about how well you did. I can’t ever remember missing one of your track meets. She thought you were an incredible photographer as was evidenced by all your pictures she had around her home and the cottage- She admired your cooking and gardening skills. She always talked about all your talents. I believe the 2 of you had so much in common.

Nancy- “our little redhead” as mom constantly referred to her. Now if there truly was a favorite- I believe Nancy was it!. Mom always thought Nancy was so sweet---“WHAT?? Nancy Sweet? Just kidding, Nanc- Nancy- the dancer, the sailor, the tennis player! Wait-I thought I was the tennis player?? OH, yah, since Nancy taught tennis in New York at a tennis camp one summer, she somehow became THE TENNIS PLAYER! Even though mom didn’t really like Colorado- she would always go help Nancy out with the kids. She talked about how much you loved your children. She mourned with you when Paul died even though she was unsure how to help you- She held you deep in her heart always- her little redhead!

Susan~ mom admired your beauty- your beauty on the outside and your inner beauty. She always talked about how intelligent you were and that you could do anything you wanted to do. She told all her friends what a wonderful mother you were. Even though at times she didn’t understand some of your beliefs, she never ever judged. How you must have filled her heart with love when you and doug decided to take dad and her into your home at the beginning stages of her disease and how you saw her through until the end of her days. You took care of her when the rest of us could not. The look in her eyes when she saw you each week must give you peace now. Thank you for taking care and loving our mother.

John~The Prince of Osprey! “Oh, that Johnny!” How he liked to get into mischief- as she would tell people over and over again. Who can ever forget the look on her face when Johnny got off the airplane after his semester at the University of Tennessee- bleached blond hair and his infamous saddle shoes. All of us were looking out the window at O’Hare and mom’s mouth just opened and she turned to dad and said: “Oh, my- I think Johnny had some fun at Tennessee!” She would often tell me how you spent some years trying to find yourself- and she never saw anything wrong with that. She was always so proud of you, John- proud of your successful business. Proud of what you had become. She loved your home and she would say how much it reminded her of her Western Springs home. She always knew that in a heartbeat that if need be, you would take care of dad and her- and that you did.

In these past few months since her death, I have been thinking about our mom and what she meant to so many people and the lives she affected as a: daughter, sister, wife, daughter in law, sister in law, mother, grand mother, great grandmother, an aunt and of course, a friend.

In the world we live in today and in my profession as a counselor, people are quick to lay the blame of their miserable lives on their parents and of course, I have witnessed first hand terrible parents and in particular, terrible mothers- but I can only applaud our mother. I can only congratulate her and her influence over all of us. She was a true lady. A vision of beauty. Her kindness, thoughtfulness, creativity, and love, transcended all else.

My siblings and I all have a few things in common and they are because of our mother:

We share a love of the garden

We love the goodness of a homemade meal and we all share the love of cooking

We share the love of the water, the beach and sailing

We share the love of displaying our families in photographs hung on our walls

We appreciate the love of nature

We love art and reading

We love animals:

We love music

We love connecting with each other on the telephone

And of course, we share the love of my mom and dad’s beloved cottage- The Wigwam. One step into that wonderful place and you see her: the garden, the pictures on the wall, the smell of an apple pie baking in the kitchen or the knick knacks surrounding all the windows.

The five of us will always be grateful to my mother because…………

Our home was always clean

We sat down as a family every night to warm and fruitful homemade dinners

Our mom was a true lady and she always made it a point to be dressed nicely

She was patient, kind and rarely spoke ill of anyone

Prejudice against others was not witnessed

She loved to sail with my father because it was his passion even though she could not swim and she never ever complained about it

She was a lot of fun

She loved all her grand children and great grandchildren and made each grandchild a quilt when they were born

She loved her husband with all her heart and all her soul

She had a forgiving heart

We knew and witnessed love

What some of us remember most about our mother and grandmother:

We remember our trips on the train to downtown chicago at Christmas and lunch under the huge Christmas tree at Marshall Fields and her uncanny ability to navigate around the city- from train to bus to cab.

We remember visiting the Art Institute of Chicago often and having lunch in the garden café and mom pointing out Monet- her favorite or Van Gogh.

the grand kids remember fondly her blue beach bag that seemed to have endless pockets for collecting all her favorite rocks and beach treasures.

We remember her stepping on the hot coals of a beach fire one summer night and all of us thinking she was going to die.

We remember music always being played at our home- especially Barara Streisand, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole and Perry Como and mom and dad dancing around the living room.

She always came to help each of us on the birth of a child. She came to see us when times were good and when times were bad; but she always came and we didn’t even have to ask

We remember crafts- endless crafts- sewing, cross stitch, knitting, embroidery- making Christmas ornaments.

We remember baking – and baking we did.

We remember her playing tennis later in life and how good she became . We remember her sitting on the bench by the tennis courts in Red Park cheering on anyone who might be playing.

I remember most her smile and of course her blowing kisses- even at the end of her life. Susan said that she would blow kisses to everyone in the home at Sutter. They so loved her there.

Last summer, my last time seeing my mother, as I walked in and saw her sitting in the chair next to dad, Sue and I heard her utter- as much as she could- looking right at me with tears in her eyes: “That is my daughter.” I know she knew me. We will never know what she knew or what she didn’t know in these past years, but this – this I am sure of:

She could plant a few seeds and turn it into a garden

She could take 2 obscure rocks, put them together, and make a duck with a yellow beak.

She could find pebbles on the beach a build a birdhouse

She could find grapevines in the woods and turn it into a wreath.

She could take your Birthday or Christmas and turn it into a magical event.

She could take a skirt, a blouse, a scarf and some jewelry- put it on- and become the beautiful woman that she was.

She could wipe away your tears with her smile and her love.

In closing, mom really liked Ralph Waldo Emerson- so I would like to leave you with this from Emerson- who also suffered at the end of his life from Alzheimers- it makes me think of our mother:

To laugh often and love much

To win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children

To appreciate beauty

To find the best in others

To give of one’s self

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition

To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived….

This is to have succeeded!